Yeah, yeah, I know. I made the logical, adult, sensible decision, and stayed home to work on A DANCE WITH DRAGONS and my myriad other projects. It wouldn't have made much sense for me to fly to Japan just for the con, not with the trip being as grueling and expensive as it is, and I certainly couldn't afford to take off the month or six weeks it would have required for me to do worldcon, and make promotional appearances in Japan, Korea, and China as well, as my various Asian publishers wanted. And no matter how long or short the trip was, the mails and emails and bills and deadlines would have piled up monstrously in my absence, and I would have returned to find myself buried, and it would have taken another two weeks just to dig myself out, and I can't afford that time, I really can't.
I know all that.
All the same, not being at worldcon is killing me. I was okay at first, when I just knew in a kind of abstract way that the con was going on, but now con reports and pictures are starting to show up on various blogs and listservs that I frequent, and every time I read one it bums me out a little more. Maybe if everyone was writing, "this is the worst damned convention in worldcon history," and "Japan is unbearable," I would feel a little better about staying home, but that's not what they are writing at all.
Today the Hugo results came in, salt in the wound. Not only have I missed worldcon and the chance to visit Japan, but I have missed the Hugoes for the first time in twenty-one years.
And THEN I hear that Montreal has won the 2009 worldcon over Kansas City. Sucks.
Ah, what can I say...