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No, No, No

I was drinking my morning coffee when the headline flashed across the bottom of the screen. That sound you heard was me choking and sputtering.

My Jets have given up two perfectly good draft picks for Tim Tebow, the worst quarterback in the National Football League.


What the hell are they thinking over there at Gang Green central?

Mark Sanchez is not, as yet, Eli Manning, but he is a talented quarterback with a good arm and he completes more than fifty per cent of his passes, none of which can be said for Tebow. The last thing he needs is a stadium full of Timomaniacs screaming for Tebow every time a pass falls incomplete. The divisions in the Jets locker room last season were well documented. THis is just going to make those problems a thousand times worse.

Nor do I think that Tebow's conspicuous piety will play well in the Big Apple. This is the city that once embraced Broadway Joe. Tebow would fit better in... well, if Branson, Missouri had an NFL team, that would be a perfect fit.



( 124 comments — Leave a comment )
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Travis Hamer
Mar. 21st, 2012 05:46 pm (UTC)
The difference between Tebow and Sanchez is
That Tebow led his team to the playoffs and won a playoff game last year. Sanchez did not.
Mar. 21st, 2012 06:26 pm (UTC)
Re: The difference between Tebow and Sanchez is
Sanchez led the Jets to two successive AFC championship games.
Re: The difference between Tebow and Sanchez is - grrm - Mar. 22nd, 2012 06:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Danny G
Mar. 22nd, 2012 04:35 pm (UTC)
An attempt at translating
Mark Sanchez is the captain of a squad of goblin pirates. They're quite good, but the lands they inhabit are shared with other pirates who have achieved greater and more glorious success. While there's loyalty amongst the crew, they're still goblin pirates, and there is still an inordinate amount of grumbling, in-fighting, and potential back-stabbing.

Earlier this year, Sanchez was summoned before the Council, and deemed worthy of his rank and status and told to continue his missions. However, the Council has now told him they're bringing in Tebow, a "backup Captain," in case Sanchez falters. As if that weren't enough, the backup Captain is largely considered a joke by the other squads. His plans of battle are laughable and fail (hard) 95% of the time. But, strangely, he comes out with a head-scratching last-minute victory far more often than people would expect. To top it all off, he's not even a goblin, but an elf! One of those stoic, humble, overly-spiritual elves who cries in defeat, but also cries in victory. How could *he* be put in position to captain a crew of goblins?!

This analogy took a lot longer to explain than I thought it would.
Re: An attempt at translating - James Hlavac - Mar. 22nd, 2012 06:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: An attempt at translating - John Shaw - Mar. 22nd, 2012 08:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 21st, 2012 05:51 pm (UTC)
I am so sorry -- sorry for you because the Jets got Timmeh the Woeful, and sorry for me because now I have to deal with seeing that incompetent, sanctimonious bastard's mug on the subway (thanks to all of those Daily News and Post readers) every day during NFL season. BLEARGH.
Mar. 21st, 2012 05:58 pm (UTC)
Tebow?? Ugh, that's just gross.
Mar. 21st, 2012 06:08 pm (UTC)
I was as shocked as you were and agree it wasn’t the best strategic move, but would argue this point

the worst quarterback in the National Football League

I believe that title belongs to someone that plays a little further to the West.

Any who. I have no idea that they’re up to and will have to see how all of this falls in place. I thought Tebow would have done well in Charlotte. We all know how badly the Panthers need something to pull them together.

It will be an interesting year.
Mar. 21st, 2012 06:13 pm (UTC)
Ew. The Jets have been Tebowed. I keep waiting for this guy to get fired and go into televangelism, which is clearly the job he really wants.
Mar. 21st, 2012 06:15 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry for you. I had just finished feeling relieved that he didn't end up here with the 49ers, where he wouldn't have fit very well either.
Mar. 21st, 2012 06:16 pm (UTC)
Well, I was reading earlier that they may actually be picking him up as a RB rather than QB, given that they just recently extended Sanchez's contract to 2016.

But QB or RB, I'm just surprised the Jets picked him up at all. I figured he'd end up playing for some struggling southern team, like the Panthers. I'm just glad he didn't somehow end up in Baltimore.
Chris McCauley
Mar. 23rd, 2012 07:46 am (UTC)
Panthers Don't need him, We have Newton, and we like him just fine.
Sue Houser Winant
Mar. 21st, 2012 06:20 pm (UTC)
Jets trade
My sympathies to you and all Jets fans. I am a diehard season ticket holding Eagles fan and the only place Tebow would play worse with the crowd than NY is Philly. You embraced Broadway Joe, we've taken a convicted felon into our hearts. (Don't let anyone tell you different, Mike plays big 'round here.) Gotta love the east coast

Edited at 2012-03-21 06:21 pm (UTC)
Mar. 21st, 2012 07:01 pm (UTC)
Re: Jets trade
Ha. I would pay good money to see what the Philly fans could come up with for that guy. Maybe a trebuchet loaded with Buddy Jesus statuettes?
Re: Jets trade - Xevilious - Mar. 21st, 2012 09:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 21st, 2012 06:22 pm (UTC)
I have to admit, you were the first person I thought of when I saw the news. My condolences.
Drew Leadford
Mar. 21st, 2012 06:25 pm (UTC)
And here's a Broncos fan lamenting his loss! An odd feeling, knowing my favorite author hates my favorite football player...
Brandon Kruse
Mar. 21st, 2012 06:27 pm (UTC)
Correction: Jets now have the two worst quarterbacks in the nfl
Mar. 21st, 2012 06:32 pm (UTC)
the Teabow
Tim Teabow haunts me like no other athlete. I am an avid Ohio State fan and so my animosity started with the Fiesta Bowl when he played for Florida. I had Kyle Orton ( a total fantasy stud in 2010)on my fantasy team only to have Teabow usurp him. I made a trade for the future for Sanchez since my league is a keeper league and now this. Throw in the over the top Evangelical Christian nonsense and I find this man just wants to make me throw up. I just wonder what The Jets were thinking.
Brian Crawford
Mar. 21st, 2012 07:21 pm (UTC)
Re: the Teabow
Tebow did pretty well in fantasy points last year - you should have picked him up. I recall orton was doing diddly squat.
Mar. 21st, 2012 06:33 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry you're having Tebow and his attitude inflicted on your team.

I'm pretty upset about Peyton going to Denver, tbh- I loathe the Broncos, but I love the Manning brothers. Life is cruel and unfair, sometimes.
Mar. 21st, 2012 06:35 pm (UTC)
I really don't follow football at all anymore, though in as much as I have a team, it's the Jets. So...I thought from all the press he gets that Tebow was the best thing since sliced bread, although I despised - and will continue to despise, no matter whether he's any good or not - his "Praise the Lord" schtick. But...not so much, I gather. In which case, what the frell was the point of signing him? And as far as his holier-than-though BS goes, I'm an atheist-agnostic former Jew. I don't want God or Jesus or any other religious myth mixed in with my sports. I find it actively offensive, in fact. He's welcome to believe whatever he wants, but I resent having it shoved in my face as if it's The Only Way. I hope he's pilloried by the locals and decides to keep it to himself. Or leave. I'm fine if he leaves.

Sorry. A la my icon, I've got my rantypants on today.
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( 124 comments — Leave a comment )


George R.R. Martin
George R. R. Martin

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